Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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