Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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