You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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