No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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