so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
