I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
