i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
should my penis look like a turkey
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
