i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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