I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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