I have demons in me.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
