He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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