Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
