I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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