i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
