fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can you bring me the toilet please
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
