dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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