Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
