There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
