Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
