do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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