I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
