Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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