...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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