In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
