The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
