I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
that's an acceptable place to lick
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
