it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Drunk is not a location!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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