i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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