I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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