Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
