4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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