My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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