I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
