WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
