and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dignity is for republicans.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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