Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
