you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
