So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
