Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i believe in u and ur pee
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
