so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
