Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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