i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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