No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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