Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
