I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
