also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
