so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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