The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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