I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
