What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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