Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
