I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
